I’m angry. 

These are the words I should have said a long time ago.

Anniston was my first love, no matter what I always had Anniston. You robbed Anniston of a life. You robbed her of growing up. She never had her first day of school. You robbed her brother a life with his sister. All he has are stories that I share with him and videos of her. You robbed me the relationship with my daughter and you also robbed yourself of that. Anniston will never find her true love, she will never marry, and you robbed the man she was supoose to be with of a love he will never know. He will settle for what he thinks is true because his is no longer here. 

I married you because I thought I needed you. I was very clear about that from the start. We had spent many, pure hell, years together. I married you for the wrong reasons. I protected you from the truth of everyone including your friends. I was asked many times “how do you do it?” I felt very deep down that you did not purposely hurt Anniston. Your story come to surface and my opinion about you changed. I talked to people who was at the scene. I come up with my side of the story. Wrong or not it is all I have because you are to much of a coward to tell me the truth. After 2 and a half years though, you couldn’t tell me anything that I would believe. 

I don’t know that you care. You find comfort in the very thing that killed her. I don’t wish bad on you but I don’t wish anything good for you either. I hope people come out of their shell and tell you just what they think of you. I hope you realize the life you took from our beautiful daughter. I hope you know what you’re missing out on. While you try to forget about her story I hope you relive those final days. 

Let me share the final picture of my daughter.

You can see her cheek, forehead, and nose because she is laying in the casket you put her in.


One thought on “It’s Your Fault

  1. I am so very sorry for your loss. I too lost my daughter at 57 days old. She was born 6 weeks premature with an intestinal issue. A couple weeks after she came home she contracted a stomach bug which ultimately is what took her life. I took her to the hospital 3 times during that 10 days. This coming April she would be turning 14. I was robbed of every single experience she would have had and never even heard her voice.

    For people to bash you is unreal. I can not believe the audacity of people. I look at the pictures of your daughter and cry, the tears stream down. Although I lost my daughter I cannot imagine the pain you suffered having to see her that way and make the decision you did.

    You are absolutely correct when you say you continue your daily activities. You must find a new “normal” while missing a piece of your heart. I will say the hurt and heartache will never go away; but in time the heartache will lessen and to an extent your heart will begin to heal. You will find a peace of comfort knowing that she is in God’s hands and she is no longer suffering and you will find peace in that. You will never stop missing her, loving her, wondering who she would be today or what her interests would be, the list never ends. But you sound like you are doing an amazing job at keeping her story alive. You continue to put her story out there and in turn hopefully save lives.

    I could not control the death of my daughter and nobody was at fault. I cannot imagine your anger at your ex husband. And I am only reading what you have written. You can. Move forward knowing you were the best mom you could be and loved her and kept her out of danger. He will live with the fact every day he is the reason his daughter is no longer here and that in itself I would imagine is pure hell on earth.

    May God bless you and your family and continue to give you strength and courage to continue to move forward.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s