Three years later

I want to know how you live with yourself? I have gotten to a new point in my grieving stage that makes me question almost everything to do with Anniston’s death. These past three years I have trusted God but lately well since January 12, 2017 I started questioning God.

Why God?
Why Anniston?
Why did she have to die?
Why did you cross the center line?
Why does everyone thank God when ultimately my baby died?
Why did he live?
Why did he have to hit someone else and hurt them?
So many “why’s” and questions that are unanswered.

There is a family who is constantly thanking God for saving their child and I question them knowing that I would be thanking God if the role was reversed. So I am not angry with them because they are only doing what they know to do. I am more jealous of them because they can thank God that their son wasn’t hurt more than he was. I am jealous and thankful because they still have their son. They could have done so much more to you but they are a Godly family who just wishes the best for my family and your family because they can’t imagine the pain that you caused us.

I wonder how you live like you used to. Nothing has stopped you from living a normal life. Which in a way isn’t a bad thing because you are only doing what you know. Your life is still just as it was before she died. Nothing stopped you from carrying on a life like you didn’t have a child. You don’t want to share her story. You don’t want to stop things that you used to do. You don’t advocate for Anniston. It makes me mad. Your life was not fully affected by her death because you didn’t see her every day.

I question myself. “Mikki, why did you not take him down for vehicular homicide?”

If the other family had lost their son in that accident because you crossed the line I would think they would want you held reliable for your actions. BUT because Anniston was your daughter it was ruled an accident because there was no proof of wrong doing on your behalf. I took it upon myself to ask questions though.

Mikki- “What was Spencer doing at the scene?”
Anonymous- “He was more worried about his car than your daughter.”
Mikki- “Was speed a factor?”
Anonymous- “Witnesses say he was passing cars at excessive speeds.”
So I asked you, Spencer, what happened?
Do you know to this day I have never gotten one answer from you. You have told me multiple different ones. At the very moment of impact speed may not have been a factor but your reckless driving is what caused this.


 

The death of Anniston has pushed me past all limits. I have been at my lowest and yet I still manage to find a way to be happy. People who dwell on the negativity in life are such a bothersome to me. I have thought, why couldn’t it have been me? Why couldn’t I take Anniston’s place and she still be here? Some people think about suicide or turn to drugs and alcohol which makes me ask, how? My life has been at the lowest of low and yet there still is no way I could do such things to cope. I stand up and I put my two feet in the ground and I live life the best way that I know how. Anniston was a bright 3 year old who had so much life left to live so who would I be if I lived my life like that and let Anniston just die.

Her story has so much sadness behind it. It has so much life in it that can help so many people from the same heartache that I have been through and that is what I aim for. Consistently find our new normal every day without Anniston and be happy. Each day is a new day and each day is one more day with my family that Anniston didn’t have.

 

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