I shared life with Anniston for 3 years 8 months 14 days and on this day I have lived life without her for 3 years 8 months 14 days. Our time together was amazing and while I have made the best of our new life it still sucks to not have her.
I struggle daily to not hate Anniston’s dad for more reasons than I can count. I give more credit than is deserved. I want to think that someone is better than they are for very obvious reasons. I want to think that because he was her dad that he would never do something like this on purpose. I want to believe that he truly is sorry for what happened. I want to more than anything to not be consumed of my own thoughts and ideas of what happened. I wish I could stop giving him credit that he does not deserve.
I know I hold no fault, I am strong, and he a coward.
I want to share pictures of her life but also the life that we live now.
Her very very happy face over some dang clothes.
She was so excited to become a big sister!
Our first picture together he was just days old. Top right is the first time she was able to meet him.
She loved her little brother more than I could ever express.
Her smile, kisses, and country little voice I miss so very much.
Cohen’s first Halloween and Anniston’s last.
I wonder who you would be today.
Cohen celebrated his first birthday without her.
His second birthday
Although he didn’t understand in this picture he still knew who she was his sister
His third birthday
The day he lived longer than his big sister
His fourth birthday
So many things she should be here to do with us!
The life she was robbed of and the things she never got to do.
With the help of these people getting up is much easier. I knew after Anniston’s death being depressed would accomplish nothing. I found a way to put my feet back on the floor and live. Each day is a struggle but these guys make it easier.
Kinnlee and Raylee never got to meet Anniston but they talk about her like they grew up with her. They are two of the best little humans I could be around.
Without the love and support of people around you it would be impossible to move forward in life. I have accepted that she is gone but I have not accepted the story that I got. Nothing but the truth is good enough for me and I know that I will probably never get the truth. Some days I am okay with that. . . when holidays come around or special outings with my family I wish more than anything to just share those times with my Anniston but I can’t. She can watch from above and know that she is loved and missed by everyone in my family.
This guy keeps me grounded. When days are hard he is there. No matter if we had space between us. From the moment I let him be there for me, he has been. Forever indebted to his shoulder and listening ears.
I feel like I failed you. I can only hope that you do not feel that way.
3 years 8 months and 14 days was just not enough for me. I needed more time with you and I wish for it every day. If I could have just 1 more day or 1 more hour with you. I would appreciate your sound, giggle, heart beat, smile, dance, and kisses. We would snuggle as much as you wanted to. I would lay on your chest and listen to the sound of your heart and your tummy. I would take more deep breathes when you would get an attitude with me. I would find a way to discipline in a way that you would never doubt my love for you because I feel like I failed you.
I love you my dear child and I miss you more than I could ever express.
Here is to another 3 years 8 months 14 days without you my love.